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Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Food, Prison and Jesus - my weekend in Kentucky, y'all!

As I write this from my Ohio computer, I am a bigger man.

How much bigger? - I don't even want to know.

The scale will sit alone in the bathroom corner for another week so that I can focus on getting my eating schedule back on schedule with greens and fish and healthy things. Anything to reverse the culinary delights and their toll on me during this weekend with Ohio's southern neighbor.

And I suppose I'm totally being overdramatic with this introduction. There may be many of you currently chewing down a deep-fried Snickers bar who look at the upcoming pics as if I was on a strict diet all along. If you are one of those people, though, I would re-evaluate my eating practices. :-)

So as we (gf and I) headed down to Bardstown, KY, we made a little stop at Homemade Ice Cream and Pie Kitchen in Louisville (pronounce the city as you will). There, we were greeted by a great selection of cakes, pies and ice cream. Here is one of the two baked good cases.

My girlfriend decided to get the Milky Way ice cream (very good) and I got the chocolate covered cherry pie.

Although tasty, the cherries were just too mushy and there was a sugary syrupy consistency in there, so I really didn't eat much of it. I would be giving them a second change though with the take-out order of a piece of lemon chess pie.

Later, we arrived in Bardstown and stayed at the Jailer's Inn, a bed and breakfast that was converted from a prison and is said to hold some rather supernatural residents.

We stayed in the 1819 with some rather flighty and ominous looking roommates.

Images of their friends hung over a lit lamp...

...and seemed to watch us...

Still, the evening's chess pie seemed to curb any fear of ghosts for the time being. It also made the trip to Louisville worth it.

Sweet, tart and tangy is definitely the way to go. That said, my gf's yellow cupcake with chocolate icing wasn't too bad either.

There were no ghost stories to be told the first night, but we did get some nice stuffed French toast with strawberries for breakfast (and mini chocolate chip muffins, pound cake and fruit).

Here, my friends, all dietary caution was officially thrown to the wind.

We would burn some calories by walking the snow covered streets of Bardstown and take delight in the sites...

...the old courthouse in the middle of the roundabout...

...a pharmacy soda fountain...

...evil looking dolls in a bookstore blasting Christian music...

...and a hidden gnome.

But we put those burned calories back on again as we stopped and got a creme-filled donut (for my research purposes to see how far out the Ohio cremestick extended beyond its borders). We split the donut, but only because we were immediately heading off to eat lunch at Mammy's.

I got a fried bologna sandwich and she got a hot brown. After eating some potato chips that came with it, the saltiness brought back our sweet tooth.

And then we split a second donut. :-)

We continued on to walk off some more calories. Among the sites were...

...a disturbing pig-in-a-meat-grinder ad...

...and Maker's Mark Distillery.

My hunger returned again and we decided to stop at a small gas station in Loretto. There, you can get a sandwich for $1.50, including a sandwich with pork fat wrapped Liver Cheese.

As I stood by the case, the girl asked me if I wanted a sandwich. When I replied that I did, she poked around, lit cigarette in hand.

"You can finish you're cigarette," I told her. "There's no rush."

I honestly imagined her making my sandwich as she puffed away.

"That's alright," she smiled and she put the cigarette down, washed her hands and made this splendid creation.

Liver Cheese, tomato, pickle, onion, lettuce, mayo.


We continued on to the Abbey of Gethsemani in Trappist, KY.

After getting some bourbon fruit cake and some lemon marmalade, we went to hear the monks chant.

Here they would soon fill both sides...

...being careful not to pay any attention to each other at all.
No nods, waves, smiles, etc.
Just a little odd.

They sang and chanted with the organ and it was different than we expected. I imagined more Enigma from the MCMXC album. Instead, it sounded like I was in church. I grew bored.

So we left.

But before you think that we are heathens for leaving a monk mass in mid-stream, be aware that we went directly to the Basilica of St. Joseph Proto-Cathedral in Bardstown, where we arrived right when mass ended and we got to look around and pay our respects.

Then we were off again. This time, for dinner.

We ate at Kurtz's, where I got a combo of the fried chicken and the chicken livers (which were wonderful! You could taste the bacon fat in those meaty morsels.). Little corn bread cakes came with it, as well as beets and green beans and mashed potatoes with a white cream sauce.

Even the religious visits and blessings and songs couldn't stop the weight from coming on.

And then...that evening...while back in our room at the Jailer's Inn, we heard a sound in the silence. With no one in the house, we heard the sound of a door opening swiftly - that sound of friction of the door dragging against the carpet. And it sounded like it came right from next door! Other small noises followed, but nothing as clear or distinct as that.

The next morning, we got a second helping of stuffed French toast - this time with peaches. And we talked with the owner, who got in after midnight the night before (we heard the sound at 11 pm). We were able to duplicate the sound with the door of the neighboring room. We were certain of our supernatural experience!

As we headed back, my wise and affectionate gf decided to stop for a culinary treat - Lynn's Paradise Cafe in Louisville.

The outside decor gave a small indication of what to inspect inside...

And the inside decor only helped this initial indication.

And while the restaurant was full of lights and ugly lamps and entertaining table trivia and games, it was also filled with all types of people from different walks of life and wonderful grub.

I got the grass-fed Kentucky beef burger with pimiento bleu cheese (side of cheese grits.

My gf got the fried green tomato BLT and a side of sweet potato fries.

And we split a Derby Pie.

And it was all worth it.

So, dear readers, I don't know how much I gained from this weekend of food, ghosts and religious salvation, but I did leave the state a heavier man. That I can promise you.

But I won't be getting on the scale again until I have a decent chance of ridding myself of some of it. And until then, I'll probably feel like a skinnier guy trapped inside a fatter guy's body.

Probably like I felt during part of the tour at the Jailer's Inn. :-)

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